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How To Determine How Long is Too Long To Propose

Man down on one knee after proposing
Venue: The Hotel Chicago

It’s Time to Pull the Trigger, the Push You Need to Help You Propose

Planning to pop the question is nerve-wracking, and it’s natural to want it to be “just right.” But how long is too long when it comes to proposing marriage?

This post isn’t going to give you grandeur ideas of proposing to your girlfriend, nor is it going to list the Top 10 Proposal Ideas. 

We know that the atmosphere surrounding a proposal is stressful for all parties involved. For women, it’s the concept of the unknown. For men, it’s the actual planning itself, and sometimes, that stress stops the proposal train from running its course. 

If this applies to you, take this post as the nudge you need in order to keep going and pop the question.

Consider Your Financial Situation. 

Before getting engaged, it’s important to consider your joint financial situation. Have you and your partner discussed your combined income and debt, including student loans and credit card debt? Can you cover the up-front costs of a wedding, or will you be relying on family members or going into debt?

Taking an honest look at your finances can help to determine if you can afford to get engaged now or if it would be better to wait until both of you are in a more financially secure position.

Talk to Family & Friends About it. 

While only you and your partner can decide when the right time is to get engaged, it can be helpful to talk to close family and friends about the decision. Talking with people who know both of you well can provide valuable insight and advice.

If your relatives or friends have been together for a long time, find out how they determined when they were ready to take that big step. Gathering input from those that are closest to you may help you make an informed decision.

Understand this is a Huge Lifelong Commitment. 

When you’re thinking about proposing, it’s important to remember that marriage is a big commitment. It is more than just a romantic gesture; it is making the choice to spend your life with another person and forge a partnership through thick and thin.

Before you even start considering how long you should wait to propose, make sure that you and your partner understand the gravity of this decision and have discussed all aspects of having a committed relationship.

Think about Potential Reasons for Delays in Proposing Thoughtfully.

You may find yourself in a situation where one partner is ready to take the plunge, but the other feels unsure about marriage. In these cases, it’s important to spend time talking through your feelings and figuring out why you may have hesitations.

Are there particular anxieties that are getting in the way?

Discuss these openly with your partner and make sure that any issues or questions have been discussed thoughtfully before making a final decision.

The Wait is Killing Her

With Valentine’s Day come and gone, you might get the feeling that your girlfriend is less than happy with you. 

Why? Because Valentine’s Day has become more than a day of gift-giving and expressions of love.

 It has become a relationship marker and an anxiety maker. In their mind, it is the d-day of proposal dates:

 “If he hasn’t proposed by now, when will he?”

Chances are, if you and your girlfriend have talked about the next steps for your relationship, then each of your timelines has begun. 

The slight downside is your timeline for proposing and hers? Completely different. 

While you might’ve started planning a few weeks after that conversation, she’s been waiting since then for you to get down on one knee. 

When it comes to marriage, and many things in general, women hate to wait. Think about the last time you had a surprise for your girlfriend or asked her to have patience. It wasn’t pretty, was it? 

Now take that, and multiply it tenfold. 

An engagement is something that many women dream of, so you can imagine how agonizing it is to know it’s coming, but not when. Each second that goes by gets more anxious and allows for feelings of sadness, doubt, and insecurity to sweep in.

She starts asking questions like “what is he planning? Why is he taking so long?” and, the most obvious, “when is he going to propose?” 

man and woman hugging after proposal
Venue: The Hotel Chicago

What Women Really Think

And this isn’t the experience of just a single woman. Many women all over the world experience these same emotions while waiting for their partners to take that next step. So, with our expert hats on, we did what any professional would do: we went to the internet to find testimonies of what women are feeling while they anticipate a promised proposal to come. 

“I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, and we have lived together for 4 years. We have a dog together and just moved into an apartment by ourselves. I always thought that I would be married by now, at 29. Now I know life doesn’t always work out that way, but I’ve been feeling kinda dejected lately seeing how almost literally everyone around me is getting engaged or married. I have always wanted to be married. I would even be happy without an engagement ring and my bf has expressed that he wants to marry me as well. We went to look at rings together about 3 years ago and multiple friends of his told me that he would propose, about 3 years ago as well. So now here I am 3 years later, still no sign of a proposal.”

This post will stay anonymous, but there you have it! While you might have your own plan and timeline for how proposing will go, women hate the wait– it kills them.

Ladies Take a Breath… There Are So Many Reasons Why He Hasn’t Proposed Yet

On the flip side, for every anxious woman, there is a man who is “dragging his feet”. However, that is almost never the case. 

What we see from men who haven’t proposed is them either getting stuck amongst the details or reacting to the company they surround themselves with. Take a second and see if this sounds like you. 

You’ve figured out that you want to marry the love of your life, so planning how to ask her to marry you has become one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. 

You start making plans; you pick out the ring, the setting, enlist friends and family to help, and before you know it, months have gone by since that initial conversation. 

That’s what happens. 

Men will become meticulous when planning their proposals because they don’t feel as if there’s a rush.

The timeline is justified to them because it needs to be planned out correctly in order to give you the proposal you’ve always dreamed about. 

One of the other big reasons for men waiting to propose is the response from society. 

How Help Can Become Too Much Help

While friends and family can be our biggest advocates, they can also be our main critics. From friends who push and pull to get answers to moms who think they know what’s best, everyone has their own idea of when the right time to propose is, and how it will happen. 

Men will take all that feedback and either experience an extreme state of procrastination or block out all advice and hyper-focus on the details, just so they can say they were right. 

Well, we get that. Every man’s case and experience are different. Just in case you think this sounds a lot like you, let us help put you in the right direction.

Pull at His Heartstrings, a Gentle Push

Ladies, we know that you hate the wait. We also know that doing anything to indicate that you’re impatiently waiting could be awkward and uncomfortable.

Well, what if we told you that we were able to do it for you? Visions has a service entitled “Pull At His Heartstrings” where we will reach out to your partner in order to give him that little push he needs. 

Don’t worry, it isn’t outspoken or rude. We’re not going to make the situation more uncomfortable for either of you. Instead, we’ll create a unique and sophisticated way to let him know it’s time to kick it into high gear. 

We’re talking handwritten notes, beautiful cardstock, the works. If we could hand deliver it in pristine white gloves, we would. 

We’re going to take our time because that moment, the moment he gets down on one knee, is one of the most important moments of his life, and we take that very seriously. 

Get A Clue – She’s Been Dropping Hints for Months

I don’t want to say “don’t be that guy”, but don’t leave your girl hanging on a thread. There have been times when women have gotten so frustrated with the lack of a proposal, that she, or someone close to her, will reach out to us so that we can drop a hint for their boyfriends. 

Our service is a nice nudge to either get started or to see where you are in the process, in order to get that girl the dream night she wants out of her proposal. 

If you’ve talked about it, stop procrastinating and get started. You don’t want your partner to be so upset that she has to reach out to us in order to find solace. Or worse, goes off to find information on her own. Plan the proposal, and drop down on one knee before it gets to that point. 

Don’t Let Her Spoil How Your Propose!

So what happens when a woman has to wait a long time for something she wants? 

She begins to get a little nosy. 

Don’t get me wrong, the intent is almost never malicious.  She just can’t help herself. If you knew something was coming, and that’s all you knew, wouldn’t you get a little snoopy too? 

She just wants to find out any information she can to ease her mind. In order to do that, she’ll turn on her intuition antenna (all women have them, trust me) and begin to observe.

More often than not, men begin to get a little sneaky when planning how to propose. 

They get help from outside sources so that it’s more inconspicuous and secretive. 

Women notice that from a mile away.

You’d think we were in the FBI with the way we can read the emotions and body language of the people around us. 

Women notice the changes in conversation, the “outside of the norm” phone calls, and even that slight angle of the phone screen away from her general direction. When that happens, women will start to look even deeper. They begin searching to see if their man has even begun to start planning, and often come across things like dates, times, and even the ring. Thus, ruining any element of surprise you have.

To avoid this, men often hire Visions to assist them with cover-ups, just to get their partners off the scent of the proposal plans. However, I wouldn’t let it get to that point. Do it sooner than later, so that way the surprise is still there!

You Know What You Want, Go Get It!

Now, we know that we can’t force you to propose. That’s not what we’re here to do. It’s your relationship and only you can tell when it’s time to take that step.

Though I will give you my last piece of advice: If you’ve already made the lifelong decision to marry this woman, and the two of you have discussed it many, many times, then PROPOSE ALREADY!! 

Start planning, be confident in the decisions you’ve made and the rest is sure to follow. Yes, not knowing if what you planned for her can be scary, and even reason enough to drag your feet. In reality? The main thing your girlfriend wants is to marry you and be MRS. XYZ.  So, plan the date, get the ring, and get down on one knee…before the END OF THE YEAR!!

About Jenée Strickland

Visions Event Studio specializes in luxury events, including proposals and couture weddings. Jenée Strickland, owner, and lead visionnaire, has been an integral part of hundreds of weddings and proposals. Her job is a privilege; her work is a passion.

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