You won’t remember a thing that happened at your proposal… The fog blackout is real.
Just like real fog, you will not see it coming.
I promise you don’t know what you don’t know.
I can also promise you will not remember your proposal the way you think you will.
That is what we like to call “The Proposal Fog”. The idea is that you will not remember your proposal, not after the moment, not hours after, and not even days after as you reminisce about the proposal. You are in a blackout state; all the words that were said immediately leave your mind as quickly as they come out of your mouth.
As Chicago’s Proposal Planner™, we hear this from every single one of our clients: They don’t remember their proposal. The worst part?
The good news is that it’s totally normal. We’re the professionals and our own team members that have been proposed to say that they don’t remember. If we can’t remember walking into our own “She said yes” moment, then it’s gonna happen.
Even if you’re thinking to yourself, “How could I ever forget that moment?”, there’s a good chance you won’t remember it as well as you think you’re going to. It’s going to be frustrating- think of all the time, money, and effort you have put into this moment only to NOT REMEMBER IT?? Not exactly the feeling you want to have, yet it will happen.
“With a foggy mind, you see nothing but fog” -Mehmet Murat İldan
It’s not your fault if you can’t recall every word they said, or what happened leading up to them getting down on one knee. I like to view the proposal fog as a good thing.
Think about it. Guys- you’ve been planning this proposal for weeks, from the first thought to the ring, the speech, and the location, all without her help. Girls- think about the anticipation you’ve been feeling, and then it’s happening. Unless you have a tip-off, there’s no time to process what’s happening until after.
As a proposal planner, I get the privilege of talking to men as they are in full planning mode. I get to hear the intimate details that go into this big moment, and the nerves that are going nuts. But, it’s amazing, it’s sweet, and it’s something I see every day.
For that reason, I feel like it’s such a wonderful thing to witness but what I want to help you with is doing a few things so that you have a better chance of remembering. Because that matters… A LOT.
The way out of the fog
Yes, I did just say that no matter how much you prepare, emotions will still run wild during your proposal. While I stand behind that, there are some pointers that may help you both be more prepared for your proposal, and perhaps you’ll be able to better remember some of those details and beat the proposal fog.
Write out your thoughts.
- Whether you write out an entire speech and response, or even just jot down some bullets regarding points you want to talk about. Think back to high school, when you wrote your notes out before an exam to help you remember. That’s exactly what we’re going to do here. When the time comes, you may not recite your speech exactly how you practiced, but it’s the thought that counts. Check out our blog post on Finding the Right Words to Propose for help getting started.
- This might sound silly, but it is the best way to prepare for anything: Practice. I’m telling you to stand in front of a mirror and go through the scenario in your head. Watch them get down on one knee, hear what they may say, and practice what you’re going to say. It won’t be a perfectly rehearsed moment when it the moment arrives. After all, you guessed it, emotions take over! Nonetheless, having an idea about what you want to say is a great place to start.
Think about who you’re going to tell first.
- Make sure you think ahead before the big day comes. Who are you going to tell, if anyone? How are you going to document their reactions? The last thing you want to be thinking about when they’re pouring their heart and soul out to you is “Should I tell my parents first or my best friend?”. The solution? Do some self reflecting once you have an idea that things are in the works. Write it down if you want so you don’t forget. Then, don’t think about it until after you’ve got a rock on that finger.
Consider the nostalgic elements.
- Whether you’re the one planning the proposal or the one being proposed to, do the best you can to take in all the details. The smells, the location and decor, the music playing… Soon enough, when you smell those smells and hear that song, the memories of your perfect proposal will come back to you. Even the weather can create that longing feeling of nostalgia, keeping you wishing to be brought back to that day forever. If you’re the proposer, be sure to think ahead about these things. Picking the perfect song can create an easy trip down memory lane. From that moment forward, you will be brought back to this day, and the proposal fog will slowly slip away.
- This is the best piece of advice we can give you. The ability to be present comes from good planning and preparation. It’s okay to remind yourself in that moment to be present; sometimes, it’s necessary. Thinking through each step and tailoring it to fit YOU and YOUR relationship will help clear your head when the moment arrives. Need more tips? Personalize Your Proposal by Following Our Lead.
While there are certain things you both can do to prepare for the big day, some things are better with help.
The Bubbly and The Bling: Reflections After The Ring
One of my favorite ways to help capture a proposal is in the form of a time capsule. Photographers and videographers capture the actual moment, yet the raw emotions and thoughts right after are often overlooked.
Our plan? Have some questions prepared, either by yourself or you and your planner, and someone ready to ask them and film the newly engaged Our plan? Have some questions prepared, either by yourself or you and your planner, and someone ready to ask them and film the newly engaged couple (YOU!) as soon as the champagne is popped. This can be your planner, your actual videographer, or even a friend of theirs who may have helped with the cover-up.
This video will be something the two of you can watch for the rest of your lives, alongside the video of the entire proposal, similar to a wedding video. After all, who wouldn’t want to watch the best moment of their lives on repeat?
Proposal photographers and videographers will be your best friends.
If I could make it a law that every proposal needs a photographer and videographer present, I would.
In fact, the number one regret newly engaged couples have about their proposal is not hiring a photographer and/or videographer. Photographers and videographers are meant to be together, just like our couples.
What better way to remember your proposal than to be able to watch it happen over and over again? Especially when the proposal fog hits, you’re going to want to have a video and photos to look back at.
Not everyone wants a glamorous public proposal with all their friends and family watching and recording. Even if it’s a private DIY proposal, set up your phone camera and capture the moment! There are also fantastic photographers and videographers that are able to capture the moment in secret; they’re so good, you may not even know they’re there, and you hired them!
If you’re uncertain about how to go about proposing, consider using a proposal planner to help guide you towards planning the perfect proposal, alongside finding the perfect team to capture the moment for you.
Don’t fight the proposal fog.
At the end of the day, there’s a good chance you will forget exactly how it all happened.
And that is absolutely okay. It’s even expected.
Love is the most powerful feeling- no matter how much you prepare, what your heart feels will win, and you should let it. Be present in the moment, say yes with confidence, and let the joy take over for a while.
Embrace the emotions, be with your person, and recognize the significance of this moment; where you start the rest of your lives together. Of course, that’s overwhelming! Hence, the fog rolls in.
It won’t really matter how they did it once you realize you are officially engaged to the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You will be forever reminded by the ring on your finger and the vows that will come.
“Loving someone and having them love you back is the most precious thing in the world.”– Nicholas Sparks